Wednesday, March 16, 2011

That gut feeling

It's 6:30 in the morning, and my house is beautifully quiet.  The kids are all asleep--and as far as I know, they're all healthy.  I get to see my Bible study ladies this morning, which is always a treat for me.  And tonight, I'm teaching a Bible study, and I am more prepared and more comfortable with the teaching than I have been all semester.  It's the set-up for a great day.

But all I can think about is the feeling in my gut.  That sad, sinking feeling.  After 10 days of (apparently unprecedented, if you ask Mr. Fantastic) complete happiness, the dark & twisties are coming back.  I've known it was coming, because it is typically preceeded by insomnia, which I have had for the past few nights.  (And yes, it HAS occurred to me that the lack of sleep may also be affecting my mood.  But where does the insomnia come from?)  But I have managed to fight it off for the past few days because it just felt so darn good to be happy!  This morning, though, it is overwhelming me.

I was going to list the things that are on my mind and pulling me down, but what good would that do?  Instead, let me tell you what I know is true:
  • My husband loves me and would drop everything if I need him
  • I have some really fantastic and supportive friends
  • My children are made in the image of God and they are wonderful and they have been entrusted to me
  • We have fantastic love & support from our parents
  • I get to go to church this morning and be greeted with the smiling, beautiful faces of many wonderful and caring ladies
  • Most of all, I have a Savior who created me and loves me and cares for me and "He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call" (From "He Knows My Name", one of my very favorite songs)
No matter how dark & twisty or crazy or sad I feel... these are things that I know to be true.  And they are just as true today as they were yesterday when I was perfectly happy.  And they will be just as true tomorrow, no matter what is going on in my gut.

So even though I'd like to hide by spending the entire day sitting here at my laptop... no.  I need to stand up and face the day.  (It's much easier to force myself to do that now that I can't spend my time on Facebook--I gave it up for Lent.)  I will do my best to change how I feel, and I will cling to what I know is true.


Megan said...

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers today, friend. Hope we'll see you soon!

Tara said...

I've been there. It's good to state what you know to be true and count your blessings. I found, though, that even when you do all the right things, there are some pits only God can pull you out of. I'll be praying he pulls you out, today!