But all I can think about is the feeling in my gut. That sad, sinking feeling. After 10 days of (apparently unprecedented, if you ask Mr. Fantastic) complete happiness, the dark & twisties are coming back. I've known it was coming, because it is typically preceeded by insomnia, which I have had for the past few nights. (And yes, it HAS occurred to me that the lack of sleep may also be affecting my mood. But where does the insomnia come from?) But I have managed to fight it off for the past few days because it just felt so darn good to be happy! This morning, though, it is overwhelming me.
I was going to list the things that are on my mind and pulling me down, but what good would that do? Instead, let me tell you what I know is true:
- My husband loves me and would drop everything if I need him
- I have some really fantastic and supportive friends
- My children are made in the image of God and they are wonderful and they have been entrusted to me
- We have fantastic love & support from our parents
- I get to go to church this morning and be greeted with the smiling, beautiful faces of many wonderful and caring ladies
- Most of all, I have a Savior who created me and loves me and cares for me and "He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call" (From "He Knows My Name", one of my very favorite songs)
So even though I'd like to hide by spending the entire day sitting here at my laptop... no. I need to stand up and face the day. (It's much easier to force myself to do that now that I can't spend my time on Facebook--I gave it up for Lent.) I will do my best to change how I feel, and I will cling to what I know is true.