Lifelines of Grace

OK, friends, it's time for a little honesty. I've been drowning lately. Drowning in laundry, in dishes, in packing lunches, in the pile of papers on my desk, in the 5,000 projects I can never seem to get to, in doctor's appointments and therapy appointments, in pressure to keep my house looking nice and to spend more time with my kids and to be a coupon queen and to be better at reading my Bible. All of those things… and also drowning in depression. It's been sneaking up on me for a while, and I managed to hold it at bay… and then the week on vacation was fabulous… and this week I feel like I have tumbled down a mountain headfirst. It's been ugly.

But while I've been drowning, God has been sending me little lifelines through the amazing people in my life. Like my neighbor who called yesterday morning just to say how much she appreciated our carpooling arrangement for school. (I know that sounds silly, but I've been kind of stressed out because I felt like I got the better end of the deal and have been worried that she would think I was taking advantage of her. It turns out it's just as beneficial for her as it is for me.) And my dear friend who e-mailed me about running into a guy who knew from high school who has Down syndrome. And the women from my morning Bible study who were all genuinely interested in how our vacation went and how we have been readjusting to "real life." And the women in my evening Bible study (Yes, I'm in two, it's a long story.) who asked about Roo's test results. And the friend—bless her heart—who hardly even knows me, but read my blog and asked if she could come over and help. And my parents, who are willing to drop everything and come over or take the kids because they just found out that I have been struggling and want to do anything they can to help. The unsolicited e-mails from people who are praying for us. The unsolicited hugs from friends.

And most of all, my wonderful husband, who is working dawn to way-past-dusk to make ends meet for our family and who held me through a minor breakdown last night and who is now orchestrating a help-Katy-regainmaintain-her-sanity movement to get me through this rough patch.

Lifelines. I can grab onto them, pull myself up enough to get some air. Yesterday afternoon I felt hopeless. Today I feel… like we might make it through after all. The storms aren't going away any time soon, and the waves will keep crashing… but I know God's going to keep sending those lifelines.