Look what I got!!!

How freaking cute is this???

And yes, I know it's a mommy kangaroo, but beggars can't be choosers, 'k?  I'll probably take the baby out before we go trick-or-treating.

Some for 21: A video (& some Roo stats too!)

I'm back!  Two days in a row!  There's a real "up side" to this whole sick thing.  Silver linings, right?

Anyway, I wanted to share a video with you today.  A friend of mine, who has twin boys with Down syndrome, put it together.  (She also blogs periodically at The 3rd 21st.)  I think she did a great job, so you should check it out.  You might even catch a glimpse of someone you know.  ;-)

Here's the video:


By the way, Roo's 6-month check-up was this morning.  My little guy is 12 pounds, 5 ounces, and he is 25.7 inches long!  Yep, he's a peanut.  He still doesn't register on the growth chart...!  But he is gaining and growing and all is well.

Enjoy the video, and I'll talk to you soon!

Some for 21: Down Syndrome Awareness Month

It's a sick day. No, not for Lamb—she is quite happy to be at school today, because she is the Student of the Day. Today is a mommy sick day, which as many of you know is pretty much the same as any other day, but with more TV. Mommies don't really get sick days, right? But fortunately, Roo is sleeping (for about an hour now—yay!) and Monkey is watching TV and I'm laying on the couch. And catching up on some blogging—another yay! So hopefully I'll have a chance to get some real writing done today and you will hear more from me over the next several days. (Oh, and if you happen to notice me rhyming more often than usual, it's because Monkey is watching "The Cat in the Hat"—I'm trying to tune it out, but I am already finding myself thinking in iambic pentameter…)

ANYWAY, October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and several blogs I know of are participating in a campaign called 31 for 21. Basically it means that these bloggers have committed to posting every day in October to raise awareness about Down syndrome. I think it is a great idea, but since it is mid-October and I am just now climbing on board, I can't really consider myself part of the "31 for 21 campaign"… so I have decided to do Some for 21. Starting now.

So today let me just give you a little update on how we're all doing. The short answer is… good. We're doing well, much better than four months ago, two months ago, even last month. I know some of you are thinking, "It's about time!" But honestly, I really thought it would take a lot longer. I remember the day after Roo was diagnosed, I was trying to imagine us several months down the road… when Roo as 6 months old… 9 months old… at Christmas… at his birthday… and they all looked so grim. Now I look ahead and wonder what he'll be doing by Christmas, by his birthday, by next summer. But I don't wonder with sadness—well, OK, yes I do, but not as much sadness as I did at first. I am just genuinely curious and excited to watch him grow and see who he'll become.

I think one of the hardest parts of Roo's diagnosis was trying to figure out where to place the blame and focus my grief. If someone is in an accident and loses their legs, you can be angry at the other driver or the road conditions or something. You can wish for the days before the accident. But this was different. To wish for life without Down syndrome was to wish for life without Roo, and I definitely did not want that. From time to time since that life-changing visit to the geneticist, I have found myself wishing that we hadn't ever made that appointment—but that's just silly, of course. Avoiding the appointment wouldn't have changed the fact that Roo has Down's, but it's the only way my brain could rationalize getting rid of Down's while keeping my sweet baby.

In her book The Year My Son and I were Born, Kathryn Lynard Soper acknowledges the fact that she will likely have to grieve her son's Down syndrome all over at different points in his life, and I'm trying to prepare myself for that. But for now, I'm trying to just enjoy this sweet little baby exactly how he is right now. Over the weekend we had a chance to visit with some friends who have a baby just two weeks younger than Roo—and miles ahead of him. I was nervous about seeing them, but it really didn't bother me at all. That baby… well, he just isn't Roo. Yes, he's bigger and more coordinated and sitting up better and… probably other things. But it's not like I thought, "Wow, they got a way better baby than we did." Or like Roo was depressed because he couldn't sit up like the other boy. They were just two different babies at two different stages.

And what is Roo doing these days? Well, he is happy and sweet and charming everyone we meet! (See, I knew I'd start rhyming eventually.) He rolls from back to belly AND belly to back, and he holds his head up nice and high. He knows when we stick a bib or burp cloth under his chin (because he's a very messy eater!) that food is coming. He knows when I hold him and say, "I'm gonna get you!" that I'm going to kiss and tickle his neck—and he'll smile and lean his head back for me. J He is absolutely fascinated with his hands, and spends much of his time holding them in front of his face and studying them. He's trying to grab his toes now, and he is finally starting to grab at toys. And he makes all manner of noises, some more polite than others. ;-)

His physical and occupational therapies are going well. Our main focus right now is to strengthen his core muscles, which I actually find rather amusing. Maybe I should start doing some of his exercises, too, because heaven knows my core could use some strengthening. Anyway, we're working toward getting him to sit up with support and getting him to pivot and move around a bit more on his belly.
So yes, we're doing well. Learning, growing, adjusting. Even, dare I say, enjoying.

Here are a few blogs I read that are participating in 31 for 21:

• 5 Reasons I Smile
• A Different Kind of Perfect
• A Perfect Lily
  

And for more information/resources, check out the Down Syndrome Resources & Recommendations page.

LOL/LOL: Never

"When I'm a parent I'll NEVER…"

Ha. Before I became a parent, I had a whole list of things that good moms do or don't do. It went something like this. Good moms

• Don't discipline their children in public
• Do breastfeed
• Don't co-sleep
• Do let their kids cry it out
• Don't homeschool
• Don't stress too much about what their kids eat
• Don't let their kids watch too much TV
• Don't overschedule their kids, both in terms of activities and in terms of an actual day-to-day scchedule
• Do have well-behaved children

Then I had a baby. And while some of my list remained untouched, others were added/removed/adjusted as necessary. I believed that good moms

• Don't discipline their kids in public
• Do breastfeed (even though I didn't)
• Don't co-sleep… you know, as a rule… but it's entirely different if you've been up with a fussy baby all night and just need to lay down with her in your bed so you can get some sleep…
• Don't let their babies cry it out
• Don't homeschool
• Do worry about every single bite of food that goes into their children's mouths
• Don't let their kids watch any TV
• Do keep a consisstent routine, including regular (one-hour or more) naps and an early bedtime
• Do get their kids involved in every activity possible
• Do have well-behaved children

This list of requirements for being a good mom led me to be very judgmental, both of others and of myself. And as time went on, the list evolved based on what did or didn't work for me. But it was continually challenged—parents I knew who didn't follow my "rules" still had good kids, others who had similar philosophies had kids who were atrocious, and still others did some of the things on my list but not others… Even I didn't always stick to my list, or didn't see the results I expected when I did follow it. It was hard to decide where to cut some slack and where to stand firm.

And then it hit me: Why does there have to be a list and who am I to think that I get to write it?

I can't say that is has been easy, but I'm learning to let go of the list. I have disciplined my kids in public. I breastfed each of my children for a brief period, followed by a much longer period of formula-feeding. I understand why some moms homeschool and have briefly entertained the idea of doing it myself. And sometimes you can do all of the "right" things and your children can still be little monsters, and it doesn't have to be a direct reflection on your parenting.

So now I'm working on a new list. It goes something like this: I will

• Never stop loving my children
• Always forgive them
• Always remember that they are God's first, mine second
• Always do the best that I can to raise them as God intends
• Try to let other moms parent the way that is right for them without judgment

It's not always easy, but I'm learning to extend some grace to myself and others.  And that seems to be the best rule I've found--for parenting and for life!

And of course, you can check out Jamey's take on this same topic at Zehlahlum Family. And please play along! Post in the comments (or on your blog and leave a link in the comments) something that you thought you would never do as a parent—and let us know if you have stuck to it.

LOL/LOL stands for Lots of Littles/Lots of Laughs. It is a blog series by moms who are overrun by small children have 3 or more little kiddos, talking about parenting & marriage.

Lifelines of Grace

OK, friends, it's time for a little honesty. I've been drowning lately. Drowning in laundry, in dishes, in packing lunches, in the pile of papers on my desk, in the 5,000 projects I can never seem to get to, in doctor's appointments and therapy appointments, in pressure to keep my house looking nice and to spend more time with my kids and to be a coupon queen and to be better at reading my Bible. All of those things… and also drowning in depression. It's been sneaking up on me for a while, and I managed to hold it at bay… and then the week on vacation was fabulous… and this week I feel like I have tumbled down a mountain headfirst. It's been ugly.

But while I've been drowning, God has been sending me little lifelines through the amazing people in my life. Like my neighbor who called yesterday morning just to say how much she appreciated our carpooling arrangement for school. (I know that sounds silly, but I've been kind of stressed out because I felt like I got the better end of the deal and have been worried that she would think I was taking advantage of her. It turns out it's just as beneficial for her as it is for me.) And my dear friend who e-mailed me about running into a guy who knew from high school who has Down syndrome. And the women from my morning Bible study who were all genuinely interested in how our vacation went and how we have been readjusting to "real life." And the women in my evening Bible study (Yes, I'm in two, it's a long story.) who asked about Roo's test results. And the friend—bless her heart—who hardly even knows me, but read my blog and asked if she could come over and help. And my parents, who are willing to drop everything and come over or take the kids because they just found out that I have been struggling and want to do anything they can to help. The unsolicited e-mails from people who are praying for us. The unsolicited hugs from friends.

And most of all, my wonderful husband, who is working dawn to way-past-dusk to make ends meet for our family and who held me through a minor breakdown last night and who is now orchestrating a help-Katy-regainmaintain-her-sanity movement to get me through this rough patch.

Lifelines. I can grab onto them, pull myself up enough to get some air. Yesterday afternoon I felt hopeless. Today I feel… like we might make it through after all. The storms aren't going away any time soon, and the waves will keep crashing… but I know God's going to keep sending those lifelines.

LOL/LOL: A few more questions

I hope you’re enjoying this series as much as I am. I don’t know about you, but I definitely feel like I know me better already. :-) This will be our last interview-type post—next week we’ll start to focus on those burning questions of motherhood, like “How have I NOT pulled out all of my hair yet?”

I’ll be honest, I had a hard time with a lot of these questions, but I’ve answered them the best that I can. And as always, don’t forget to visit Zehlahlum Family for Jamey’s answers and to post your own answers either as a comment here or in your own blog and put a link in a comment!

1. If you weren't a SAHM what do you think you'd miss the most?
I think I would miss the opportunities that I have to build fun memories with my kids. Trips to the zoo, the local orchetra’s “Concerts for Kids” that we go to every year, even weekly pajama days would all be a big void if I couldn’t be home with them.

2. Do you have a favorite family ritual?

Believe it or not, car rides. When it’s just me and the kids we typically just listen to the radio or Adventures in Odyssey or something, but when my husband is with us we have a blast together. We sing, we play “I’m thinking of something” (basically “20 Questions” but a bit more little-kid friendly), we tell jokes. It’s really a lot of fun.

3. Are you the only cook in your house?

Weeeeellllllllllllll… no, not really, but I probably do about 95% of the cooking. Jon enjoys cooking, and we especially like to cook together, but most of the time it’s just me. I do, however, belong to a Supper Swap group, which is a fabulous thing. You can learn more about it from Trish Berg, the true Supper Swap authority. Anyway, thanks to the Supper Swap, I really only have to cook 1 or 2 nights most weeks.

4. Are you a good housekeeper?
That is a loaded question in this house. My dear husband is borderline OCD and a super-duper neat freak. Rarely is our house up to his ideal, especially with three kids. But I think I do a fairly decent job… or at least I did before Roo came along. How anyone can maintain a clean and organized house with an infant in it is beyond me.

5. What do you and your husband do for couple time?
Twice a month we have a date night, which varies from hanging out in his office and me scrapbooking/blogging/Facebooking while he works to running errands together to having a real actual date with dinner and maybe even a movie. Apart from that, right now we just try to carve out time to keep up with each other, even if it’s just a couple of phone calls during the day. He has been insanely busy at work, so time is a scarce commodity.

6. What's the one parenting rule that you never break?
Oh gosh, that’s a tough one. I learned long ago to throw most of my parenting absolutes out the window. I guess the two things I strive to do no matter what are to apologize when I’m wrong (I don’t know if there is anything more humbling than apologizing to your children.) and to make sure my kids know that I love them no matter what. It is very common for me to tell Monkey that I love him, and for him to reply, “And you’ll never stop loving me, right?”

7. What do you want your kiddos to grow up knowing?
Many things, really. I want them to know Jesus as their personal Savior. First and foremost. Everything else is a distant second. But within the scope of our family, I go back to my previous answer—I want them to know that they are loved unconditionally.

8. What role does faith play in your life?
My faith isn’t just a role in my life, it is… it is the substance in which my life is wrapped. I make no claims to have it all together or to be the expert—I struggle (greatly) in these areas every day—but I want to parent the way God parents me, to forgive as God has forgiven me, and to live my life for God’s pleasure and not that the approval of others.

9. What's the most important item in your home?
My word, I’m not letting Jamey pick the questions anymore! ;-) Just kidding, Jamey! Honestly, I just can’t think of a thing in my house that I couldn’t live without. Yes, I know that wasn’t really the question. I guess just coming off of my answers from the last two questions, I’d have to say the most important item in our home is my Bible!

10. Are there any more kids in your future?
There are no more kids in my womb’s future, at least not that I’m planning. But I have always wanted to adopt, and while some events of the last 5 years have made that less concrete…… it’s still a definite possibility. Someday.

11. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
As I think I mentioned before, ever since Roo was diagnosed, I have become much more of a short-term planner. I really have no idea what life will look like for us in five years. I would love to be speaking to groups of women/moms or teaching some kind of class or Bible study. Maybe have a book out/in process. But maybe I’ll be so wrapped up in therapy and preparing Roo for school and doctor’s appointments and who-knows-what that I’ll have to put those things on the back burner for a while longer, and that’s OK too.

So there you have it—me in a 1,000 words or less! Coming soon: Pictures of our non-beach beach vacation! :-)

Home & News

Greetings from… my living room! Yep, we are officially home from OBX. To sum up our vacation in one word, I would have to say……….. wet. Yes, wet from spending time at the pool with the kids pretty much every day, which was tons of fun. But primarily wet from rain. Not exactly optimal for a vacation on the beach, eh? Our first day there was nice, and Jon, my mother-in-law, and the kids got to spend some time on the beach that morning (They let me sleep in—aren't they wonderful?); and our very last morning we got to watch an absolutely beautiful sunrise before we got in the van and headed for home. Everything in between was gray, windy, and wet.

Sooooooo… we played games, Lamb made crafts with Jon's mom, we went bowling, we played arcarde games, we went to the aquarium, we went indoor mini-golfing, we watched movies, and we spent a lot of time in the indoor pool—it really was a very fun family time. I'll post pictures later, but last night we got home, put the kids to bed, and went to bed. The only things that have made it out of the van are my laptop and the book that I am reading. Speaking of which, I highly recommend The Hunger Games and the rest of the series by Suzanne Collins. I read The Hunger Games and Catching Fire on our trip, and my dear wonderful hubby bought me Mockingjay, the third book in the series, when we stopped for lunch yesterday—and I'm already 200 pages in. I picked up The Hunger Games because I had heard good things about it… but I started it with reservations because it sounded very 1984-ish to me, and I hated that book. But while it does have some very general similarities—it takes place in the future, the US has fallen, and a new, cruel government has risen up—it is 5,000 times better. Very well-written, very hard to put down.

And you know what? It's early, my house is quiet, and I think I would like to go read some more of my book before everyone is up. J But before I go, I want to share some news with you. While we were gone, we finally got the results of Roo's last round of blood tests. It took SIX WEEKS (twice as long as they told us it would be) and several phone calls, but thank the Lord we got good news: Roo has no further chromosomal abnormalities!!! We have been waiting to hear if chromosome 15 had an issue as well, but it is completely fine. Praise God!

That's all for now, but come back on Tuesday when Jamey and I answer more of your burning questions for those of us insane enough to have three little ones this close together! J