The Best Mom Ever: A Recipe

Have you wondered what it takes to be the Best Mom Ever? Have you spent years questioning your parenting decisions? Have you worked and worked to be a good mom, only to have your children embarrass you with their behavior--or worse, get angry with you for your efforts? Have you been waiting and waiting for your "Mom of the Year" trophy to arrive in the mail with no results? Well, never fear! I have come up with the perfect recipe for being a great parent... AND it's a lot less complicated (and cheaper) than I have been making it out to be for the past 7 1/2 years!!!!

The Best Mom Ever
You'll need:
1 day off from school
1 vehicle, big enough to fit you and your children
$5 (plus money to pay overdue fees at the library, if needed)

What to do:
1. Start by bribing assuring your children that you can go to the library as soon as their rooms are clean and they are dressed. The more desperate they are for new reading material, movies, and puzzles, the less time this will take. Be prepared to call out encouragingly to keep them motivated as needed. Note: If you have a trouble-making toddler in the house, you may need to contain him/her in a crib or Pack 'n Play for this step. (As an added bonus, you can also use this time to fold laundry or do other household tasks!)

2. Drive to the library, allowing them the rare treat of watching a DVD in the vehicle, if possible. This piece of the recipe can take as little as a few minutes, or up to an hour or more, depending on the time available and how involved your children become in searching and playing.

3. Check out any selected materials at the library, paying fees as necessary. If applicable, allow your children to now watch a DVD they selected at the library for the rest of the trip.

4. This is the key step--pay close attention! Despite the several meals' worth of leftovers you may have at home, drive directly to Little Caesar's Pizza (you know you don't feel like the going through the effort of figuring out who wants which leftovers and heating them up and all that hassle), and get a Hot & Ready Pizza for FIVE DOLLARS. Yep, 5 bucks can buy you and your children lunch! Who knew?!

5. Drive home (still watching the library movie), serve up some pizza, and wait to hear your children say, "YES! You are the BEST. MOMMY. EVER!!!!"

That's it, friends! Just those 5 simple steps will take you from being plain old Mom to "BEST MOMMY EVER!" (AND your kids' rooms are clean!) I don't know about you, but I feel like I have wasted so much time and money. I had no idea it was THIS EASY. Try it out for yourself, and don't forget to tell your friends!

Mommy Confessions & a Giveaway!

So.... when I said we would do a giveaway on Monday... I didn't say it would be FIRST THING on Monday, right?  So it's OK that it has taken me until about 10 PM to get on this, right?  OK, good.  Glad we're all on the same page.  I'll come back to the giveaway in a minute.

First, I need to get a few things off my chest.  In today's Supermom culture, it can be a bit intimidating to let our imperfections be known to each other.  But I have let it build up all I can--I need to confess!  Here are a few less than perfect things you may or may not have suspected about me.

I confess that...

• I sometimes use PBS Kids as a babysitter.  (Um, I mean while I get housework done.  Not while I actually leave the house.  I'm confessing to things that are embarrassing here, not dangerous.)
• I've been known to use little white lies to get my kids to eat vegetables... like, "WHOA!  When you took that bite of broccoli, your left bicep GOT BIGGER!  Quick, take another bite so that your right one catches up!"
• I often drive Lamb to school wearing my PJs.  (I mean, I'm wearing my PJs.  Lamb is fully dressed.)
• Often, those PJs are a pair of sweats that I bought from Target in 2005, which now contain several more holes than they did when I purchased them.  Including one smack dab on my rear end.  (Aren't you thankful I don't walk her to the door?)
• I once got frustrated when I was reading a book and Lamb kept interrupting me.  I finally looked at her and sternly said, "Would you please just STOP and give me a few minutes to read????"  She asked what my book was about, and I angrily responded, "IT'S ABOUT HOW I CAN BE A BETTER MOMMY!"  (And I wasn't kidding.)  And yes, I did pick up on the irony right away.

Now, don't leave me all alone out here with my confessions hanging there awkwardly as you all stare and say, "Wow, I thought she was a better mom than that."  (Which, of course, I AM, now that I have read my book and all...)  I want to hear your mommy confessions.  What do you need to share with the world?  It'll feel better to get it off your chest, I promise.

And as an added incentive... Yes, friends, this is where the giveaway comes in!  Welcome to our first ever sponsored giveaway!!!  Thanks to Melissa at The Hair Pretties Mom, we have a great prize that will go to one of this post's lucky commenters.  Melissa makes gorgeous bows of all shapes & sizes (and Lamb has her own mini-collection of Melissa's handiwork), but today she is sharing with us one of her other unique & beautiful creations: a designer baby wipes case!  Check out some of the awesome options...

Aren't they fabulous?  Some are fun, some are cute, some are trendy--and they are all great!  :-)  I tell you, your diaper bag isn't complete without one.  And really, I have determined over the past 5 or so years that wipes are a very useful tool to have around even when you don't have a baby with you.  These cases would be the perfect way to carry wipes in your purse, even if your baby days are done!

So what do you have to do to get a case of your very own?  CONFESS!  Tell me your mommy confessions, and you'll be entered to win one of Melissa's designer wipes cases.  The winner can choose from one of Melissa's premade designs or get a custom-made case!  Just think of the possibilities!

Here are the rules: You may enter as many times as you like.  1 entry per confession.  (Please put each confession in a separate post.)  The contest will end at 11:59 PM on Thursday, and random.org will select a winner to be announced on Friday.  Your confessions can be sad, serious, crazy, creative... let's hear it!  (And to be honest, my confessions were originally going to be slightly more serious in nature, but I've had an exhausting day and I'm feeling a little loopy.  So what you get is what you got!)

So... confess away!  And good luck!

The Weekend Zoo: Monkey Business

Welcome to the Weekend Zoo, where we explore only light and fun topics. Today we're talking about the Monkey in our zoo. He is definitely our family entertainer, and this morning I want to share with you a few of his recent antics…

Monkey Tail Tale #1…
Monkey: "Mommy, I wish I could have car boots for Christmas."
Me: "Car boots? You mean… boots with Lightning McQueen on them?"
Monkey: "No… car boots. You know, so I can roll around the house."
Me: "You mean… roller skates?"
Monkey: "Yeah, roller skates."

Monkey Tail Tale #2…Monkey: "I am such a good boy!"
Me: "Yes you are, Buddy."
Monkey: "Yeah, so don't worry, Mommy. I'll tell you any time you do something wrong."

And my personal favorite…Monkey (carrying a toy drill, hammer, and screwdriver): "Mommy, lay down. I'm gonna doctor you."
I lay down. He begins to examine my belly.
Monkey: "Oh, Mommy, I think your belly is just too big! I'm going to have to make you a new one!"
Ahhhhh… if it only worked that way…

Thanksgiving Weekend Review

I would love to write several posts about the past week, but… I just don't see that happening. (Patti, how do you blog so often with TEN KIDS???) So I'm going to condense it all into one little roundup.

We had a nice Thanksgiving. Mr. Fantastic was home all day Thursday (I know it seems that should go without saying, but he is self-employed which often means crazy hours), and he made pancakes with the kids in all different shapes—letters, animals, people, whatever they wanted. They had a blast. I was still recovering from Tuesday's bout with the stomach flu, so I just watched, but it is always fun to see them enjoying time with their daddy.

By the time we cleaned up, got everyone bathed and dressed, and got our food together (corn casserole and deviled eggs), it was time to head to Nana & Papa's (my parents') house. It was nice to have the whole family together and let the kids all play and just hang out and relax. Mr. Fantastic and I were the last to leave, so our kids also had dinner there, and we had a chance to play "Jeopardy" on the Wii with my parents. Yes, after telling my children all blessed day that they could not play the Wii because it is Thanksgiving and it is time to just play without the aid of video games… we adults played 3 games of Jeopardy. (I did, by the way, let the kids play the Wii for a little while when we were done. I'm not that mean.)

And then came Black Friday. Black Friday shopping entered my life about 3 years ago, when Kohl's was going to have Candyland and Chutes & Ladders for $2 each. (I actually ended up getting them for free, but that's another story.) My mother-in-law is an early riser anyway, and Kohl's was opening at 5 AM that day, so I asked her if she wanted to join me in hitting Kohl's at opening. We had a blast, and a tradition was born. Every year we review all of the ads (OK, I review all of the ads… online… the second they are leaked… and I start checking in mid-October…), make a list of the items we want to find, pick a place to start right at opening time, and go from there. We shop, we have breakfast/lunch, we talk, we laugh—it's a great time. So this year it seemed that the main stores we wanted to hit were Toys R Us (which opened at 10 PM on Thursday night) and Wal-Mart (midnight). I know that Toys R Us is notoriously a bad place to be right when it opens… but I convinced myself, "How bad could it be? We'll just get there a little early and it'll be fine."

So we pulled into the parking lot at 9:30… and immediately pulled out. There were already hundreds of people lined up—in the cold, freezing rain—waiting to get in the store. HUNDREDS. We later heard that, by the time it opened, the line was over TWO-TENTHS OF A MILE LONG. Seriously, there is not a toy in this world that my children need that badly. In fact, the words "toy" and "need" do not even belong in the same sentence. That being said, I am NOT putting down anyone who was in that line. I know as much as anyone that part of the fun of Black Friday is just the "hunt", and I know for some people it's fun to tell the story of waiting for 2 hours just to get in the door or whatever. But not for me. That was beyond my limits.

Well, we drove around for a while, but finally determined that our options were to either go home and get some sleep and then head out the next morning, or drive to Wal-Mart and wait TWO HOURS for the sales to start. (The store is open 24 hours, so we could go in, but we had to wait until midnight for the Black Friday sales.) For some reason that I still don't quite understand… we chose the latter. We actually had fun checking out all of the pallets, figuring out where we wanted to be when the madness started, talking to other early shoppers, etc. And we did pretty much get the things that we wanted. But seriously, it was rather silly to wait 2 hours for $10 Wii games and $4 Zhu Zhu Pets.

The sale, as I said, started at 12:00 AM. We were done, paid, and out the door by 12:20. Yep, we were FAST. And efficient. And it was so nuts in that store that we didn't feel like leisurely browsing for the "fringe" items on our list. Honestly, this was our 4^th year of being at a store right when it opened—and 2 years ago we were actually at that very same Wal-Mart—but this was the first year that it has felt a little too crazy, a little too panicky, a little too edgy. It wasn't as fun. I just wanted out.

So by that time, we had another three hours until anything else opened, and we didn't feel like heading back to Toys R Us yet, and I was starting to feel run-down from my post-flu recovery… so we went home and went to bed.

I was so glad that I went home. I got home and found Lamb in our bed, which is extremely unusual. I put her back in her bed and then fed Roo, who was crying, and got him back to sleep. I finally got to bed around 2:00ish, only to have Roo wake up again shortly after, and Monkey climb in bed with us (also unusual) around 3:30. I put him back to bed a few minutes later… but then at 4:30 Lamb was back in our room, SOBBING. It turns out she had a nasty ear infection. An earache is actually how she ended up in our bed with Mr. Fantastic in the first place, and apparently the Tylenol had worn off. We gave her more and I let her lay down with us, but by 5:00 she was still wimpering—and peppering me with important questions like, "Where do cats go when they die?"—so I took her downstairs, snuggled into the recliner with her, and turned on "Mary Poppins". I so appreciate that Mr. Fantastic was willing to deal with a baby who still wakes up in the night and a little girl with an ear ache and didn't call me to come home, but I was glad to be home for him—I don't know how he would have dealt with that all night. (Plus Monkey woke up in the morning with a very wet bed.)

So I got up in the morning, called the pediatrician's office, and got Lamb an appointment for 9:30.  My hubby offered to take her, and when I told her that Daddy was taking her to the doctor's office while I stayed home with the boys, she got this really serious look on her face and said, "OK, Mom.  I'll make sure he knows the right things to say."  I burst into laughter!  Obviously, Mommy does most of the talking at the doctor's office, even when Daddy is there with us!

Anyway, Mr. Fantastic took her to the appointment, and now Lamb, who just finished a round of amoxicillin (sp?) and still has a nasty cough and managed to get an ear infection, is on an even stronger antibiotic--a mix of amoxicillin and something else--plus cough medicine and Tylenol.  Poor girl.  Let's hope this time the medicine really knocks the whole thing out.

When they left the doctor's office, they went to the grocery store to get her prescription. While they were there, they bought the ingredients to make a three-berry pie, because it turns out he had told her a story on Thursday night (when she was up with her ear ache) about the first girl to ever make a three-berry pie… so when she asked if they could get the stuff to make one, my husband (who has never made a pie before in his life) said, "Of course we can!" I love that man.

And when they got home, what did I do? Why, I headed back out to the stores with my mother-in-law, of course! This time we took Roo with us to make life easier on Mr. Fantastic. (It was after 11 AM, so I figured the super-craziness would have died down a bit.) And we had so. much. fun. We hit several stores, had almost NO lines, and got most of the things we wanted. It was way more enjoyable than Wal-Mart had been at midnight, and I think from now on we may skip the openings and just try to start around 6 AM and see where the day takes us.

We got home around 7:30, and I came home to a freshly-baked three berry pie, and into the top crust they had carved a big heart... and inside the heart it said "We love Mommy."  It was so sweet.  How did I get this lucky???  Oh, and it was actually quite yummy, too. Have I mentioned that I have the best husband ever?

And Saturday… well, Saturday was just a nice stay-at-home kind of Saturday that we don't get often in our zoo. FIRST OF ALL, the big kids got up on Saturday morning, came in to wake up me and Mr. Fantastic, and then ran out of the room, announcing that they were going downstairs. I dragged myself out of bed (Why do my children insist on being morning people?) and threw on some sweats, and was just getting ready to go down and start on breakfast, when Lamb called, "Mommy! Come downstairs and see!"

And this is what I found…

They had the entire table set for the four of us, all of the cereal out, everything we needed.  Isn't that wonderful? They did all of that themselves! They were so proud. And I was proud of them. What amazing little people they are. J

So anyway, the rest of the day, I helped the big kids get their room all clean, I cleaned up Roo's room a bit, I got out Christmas decorations, I scrubbed our kitchen chairs and eating area… I worked hard and enjoyed it. Mr. Fantastic watched the Ohio State/Michigan game (Go Bucks!). My niece came over to spend the night. I had some crabby moments—I'm sure not from lack of sleep or anything—but overall it was a good day. Oh yeah, except for one thing… Roo did not take one. single. nap. the entire day. I don't know what was with that kid, but I was ready to pull my hair out. But then he'd look at me and just break out into a huge smile, and my heart would melt, and I'd just snuggle him up and then get back to work with a smile.

OK, so I'm realizing that this actually IS going to have to be a 2-part post. Yesterday was such a fun day, and I want to tell you all about it and share pictures and everything… but for now, I have to take a break. Lamb will be up at any moment to start getting ready for school, and then the madness of Monday begins. J Keep your eye out for another post later today!

The Weekend Zoo: Love is Confusing

So my precious Lamb has had her first major disagreement with a friend. She is so torn up over the whole thing, and parts of it make my heart hurt, too… but I also think it's just a teeeeeny bit funny. Because it's one of those situations where you see the train wreck coming, but you just can't stop it.

Here is what Lamb knows:

• The Bible tells us to love our enemies.
• Satan is God's enemy.

Do you see what's coming?

Here is what Lamb shared with her friend: "We are supposed to love Satan."

Now of course, Lamb and I have had a chance to talk this whole thing through… both the actual thought process and the argument that she had with her friend (who adamantly disagreed with Lamb's conclusion)… and she and her buddy will be back to normal in no time… but what I'm really wondering is…

How many people at our local elementary school think that we have taught our 5-year-old to love Satan?

A Day in the Life

So let's take a break from all of the… hardness, for lack of a better word, and have a little smile. My kids have been cracking me up today, and I thought I would share some our laughs with you…

At lunch
Monkey: "Mommy, this cucumber tastes funny. Do I have to eat it?"
Me: "That's a potato."
Monkey: "Oh, OK then." (Eats said "cucumber")

In the backyard this afternoon
Lamb: "Mommy, GUESS WHAT! I just saw a REAL LIVE SQUIRREL!!!! Or maybe it was a skunk. I don't know. But I didn't smell anything."

Leaving a friend's house this evening (The kids stayed in the van while I ran in.)
Lamb: "What did you bring out with you?"
Me: "A birthday present that Miss Stacy got for me. Wasn't that nice?"
Lamb: "What is it?"
Me: "An angel."
Lamb: "Can I have it?"

At dinner
Lamb (holding a mushroom from a piece of pizza): "This tastes like a lightning bug."
I don't even want to know why she knows how a lightning bug tastes.

Also at dinner
Me: "Monkey, please quit using your fingers and use your fork."
Monkey (looking all over the table): "Where is my fork?"
Me: "In your other hand."

Just a few minutes ago
Me: "I need a few minutes to myself, please."
Lamb: "Why? Are you going to pray about your attitude?"

Yes, they drive me to the brink of insanity and then bring me back with laughter.