Thankfulness

Tonight after I put Roo's pajamas on, he stood up and climbed into my lap. He curled up into me like he only does when he is really, really tired. It's been a busy few days at our zoo. As he snuggled up tight, I pressed my cheek against him and remembered to "give his bald head a kiss" for a friend who is missing him. :-) And I was struck again by the love that he has brought into our lives--his incredible love, the people we have met because of him, the people we continue to meet who love him. Our hearts have grown two sizes too big because of this one sweet boy.

And I thought... I can't believe that I get to be his mommy. That out of everyone in the world, God chose me. I am so incredibly thankful.

There was a time when I couldn't imagine those words. I thought my ultimate goal would be acceptance. I thought that the people who claimed to be thankful for Down syndrome were lying--even to themselves. But I was so indescribably wrong.

I used to pity people who had loved ones with disabilities. Then after Roo was born, I cringed with the thought of people pitying me.

But now I know the truth: I am the lucky one.

Thankfulness

I know, it's cheesy to post about Thankfulness the week before Thanksgiving. Would it make you feel better to know that this post wasn't really inspired by Thanksgiving, but just by the recent events in my life? Well, either way, today's post is about thankfulness, so just go with it.

A few months ago, I heard an interview on Family Life Today (I'm an addict avid listener of this show--I think Mr. Fantastic must get a little bit tired of hearing me talk about it...) with Barbara Rainey, whose husband is the president of Family Life. She is in the process of writing a series of family devotional books about different virtues, and has so far published Growing Together in Courage and Growing Together in Gratitude. (Blogger has changed their interface, so I no longer know how to post the little pictures of the books with the price and stuff right in my posts...) I thoroughly enjoyed hearing about the books and wanted to check them out. And it just so happens that the Weekend to Remember that Mr. Fantastic and I recently enjoyed was put on by Family Life and had a fabulous "resource center." (This is a dangerous spot for me to be seen, because I love resources. I could have bought out that place!) And it just so happens that they had the Gratitude book in their resource center--which I'm sure had nothing to do with the fact that Thanksgiving was just weeks away. ;-) And it just so happens that I walked up to the register with the Gratitude book in my hands... along with a few others... and gave them money... and they let me leave with it! Go figure!

So Mr. Fantastic and I are in the process of reading the book with the kiddos this month, and it is very worthwhile. It is a collection of 7 real-life stories of people who showed thankfulness in a variety of situations and circumstances. It may be just a teeny bit over my kids' heads--the first story is about Corrie ten Boom and her sister, who were in a Nazi concentration camp--but it has still been a good thing for them. And the overarching theme of the book has been: Give thanks in all circumstances. Good lesson. One that I would definitely like my kids to learn. Right?

It's dangerous to try to teach your kids a lesson, friends. Often that lesson finds its way home to the heart of the momma...

Which brings me to earlier this week. As I have mentioned, all three kids are sharing a room while we redecorate, and Roo is a big fan of being in the same room with the big kids, but has not been doing great with sleeping since we moved him. Specifically, in the last 11 days since we moved him into their room, he has been up between 5:00 and 5:30 EVERY MORNING (except the first morning, when he slept all the way until 6:00). Let me just tell you... I just do not comprehend why anyone would chose to get up that early. Ever. OK, maybe on Black Friday. But that's it.

Anyway, after a few days, I had had enough of the early wake-up call. I was tired. I was frustrated. I was just plain angry. But I didn't want to be angry. I wanted to be happy. I took deep breaths. I thought positive thoughts. I looked forward to naptime. But I still couldn't quite shake my "grumblies."

On that particular morning, my attempts to get Roo back to sleep had also roused his sister. Fantastic. Thanks, Buddy. Now I'm doubly frustrated. And I'm rethinking our "remodel", which involves putting Roo in with Monkey and giving Lamb her own room. And I'm rethinking my decision to have children.

OK, maybe it wasn't quite that severe. Maybe.

But I was determined to beat this bad mood. And as I took Lamb and Roo down to get breakfast, I spotted the book. Growing Together in Gratitude. "Give thanks in all circumstances." Corrie and Betsy Ten Boom found a way to give thanks for fleas in their barracks. Another man found several ways to be thankful for a mugging. Surely I could be thankful for sleep deprivation a child who wakes up early.

So I decided to make it into a game. "Lamb, what is something that you're thankful for?"

"God and Jesus."

"That's awesome, Honey. Let's see... I'm thankful... that we have plenty to eat," I said as I looked at the assortment of cereal boxes in the pantry. "What else? It doesn't have to be anything big."

I don't remember what she answered that time, but we went back and forth for a while. And you know what? It really worked. I told her I was thankful that she woke up early, because I always feel so guilty when I have to wake her up for school--I want her to be able to sleep if she needs sleep--and because I got to spend a little extra time with her. It was good to gain a little perspective.

And then she said, "I'm thankful for Down syndrome."

Pause. "You're thankful for it? Why is that, Honey?"

"Well, because that's the way God made Roo, so that's how He wanted him to be. And also, if it takes him longer to learn things, that means we get to spend more time teaching him things, and I like teaching him."

I love it.

Exactly one year ago today, I wrote a post called Thankfulness & Down Syndrome. I was healing, I was seeing that things were going to be OK--but I stopped short of saying I was actually thankful for Down's. I couldn't quite get there.

Today, thanks in part to my beautiful 6-year-old girl and her love for her baby brother, I can say it.

I'm thankful for Down syndrome. It is a blessing. It is a blessing that has come "through raindrops", as Laura Story says in her song "Blessings" (which, I'm pretty sure, was written about my life over the past year--I've never actually met her, so I can't confirm that, but really, how could it not be?). But it is absolutely a blessing.

I'm thankful for Down syndrome. What a difference a year makes.

I'm thankful for Down syndrome.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thankfulness & Down Syndrome…

…Yes, they really can come in the same sentence. Actually, the original title of this post was going to be "10 Reasons I'm Thankful for Down Syndrome", but I'm not quite there. But since it is a time for giving thanks, and since I had posted a while ago my rant against Down syndrome (among other things), I thought I would also share with you the blessings I have found in the midst of our journey.

1. I am thankful that Roo is otherwise healthy. I know that Down syndrome makes him susceptible to other health problems, and I am not so naïve as to assume we'll never have to deal with health issues, but right now he is healthy. His heart problems are minor (relatively speaking) and don't require immediate attention, his eyesight is normal, he passed his hearing screening. We can spend our time with him enjoying, not worrying.
   
2. I am thankful for every smile and laugh. As annoyed as I get when people say, "Those kids are always so happy," I am thankful that Down syndrome is not generally associated with severe behavioral issues. Roo is so happy and easy going, and such a joy to be around.
   
3. I am thankful that my big kids will grow up with an extra dose of compassion. The love they already have for Roo is so tender and touching, and they are still completely unaware of his delays. They are going to be his biggest cheerleaders as he grows, and they are going to learn a lot about people with special needs and just caring for others in general.
   
4. I am thankful that this is strengthening our family. The stresses of extra doctor's appointments, worries, bills, etc, could be taking their toll on us, but instead we are clinging together so tightly that we are growing closer.
   
5. I am thankful for the support of our family and friends. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am overwhelmed with love. So many people have supported us with prayer, notes and e-mails, babysitting, meals, fun distractions, and many other ways that I'm sure I am forgetting now. It has astounded me how willing people have been to step up and help in whatever way they can.
   
6. I am thankful for the opportunities available to people with Down syndrome today. I recently had the opportunity to hear from a woman who has a 40-year-old daughter with Down syndrome. They adopted her daughter out of an institution at the age of 16 months, which is where parents at that time were encouraged to send babies with Down's (after which they told their friends and family that the baby had been stillborn). A new blogging friend recently shared some stories she had read or heard about an old institution out west. I am so thankful that this is not the life that my sweet Roo faces. He has opportunities and support and encouragement.
   
7. I am thankful for quality time with my baby. Life with three little ones is so nutty, sometimes I wonder if I would ever spend play time with Roo if it weren't for the need to do therapy with him. I know he needs a little extra attention, so I make myself stop doing the dishes or laundry or any of the hundred other things moms do throughout the day… and I focus on him. Call it "therapy", call it "work", call it "play", all I know is that it is one-on-one time with my baby boy.
   
8. I am thankful for the new friends I have made. Having a baby with Down syndrome is sort of like becoming a parent for the first time all over again, and I know when Lamb was born I needed camaraderie. The same is true now, and I have met some wonderful people in "real life" and through the blogging world. It is great to be able to share trials and triumphs and have this common ground to get to know people I otherwise wouldn't have met.
   
9. I am thankful for the chances I have already had to encourage others with our story. Whether it is on this blog, in front of a group, or in casual conversation, God is already using Roo's story to allow me to help others. Sometimes it's people whose lives are also affected by Down syndrome, other times it's something completely unrelated, but God is teaching us through this and helping us to help others.
   
10. I am thankful that I am not in control. When I try to look at the big picture, to see where we're going to be in a year, 5 years, 20 years… it's overwhelming. But I don't need to worry about that. God is in control, and He knows the plans He has for Roo, for Lamb & Monkey, for Mr. Fantastic, and even for me. We just have to take it one day at a time, which is much more manageable.
    

And you know what? There are more. I am thankful this Thanksgiving, trials and all.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds" –James 1:2

How could we NOT be thankful for this? ;-)